Different Ways of Looking at Things

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,
and Family values.  Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married,
did  you?’  Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’

___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my
Intelligence come from?’  The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, Cause I still have mine.’

___________________________________________

‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the
divorce Court Judge said, ‘and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now
and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’

___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency
Room, took the  husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks  of your
wife At all.’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and
really Good with the kids.’

___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you.’  The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

___________________________________________

A  blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you  tell me how
long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City   ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’  ‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez. ‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.  ‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

___________________________________________

Moe:  ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’

Joe: ‘Really?’

Moe:  ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’

___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears
and asks him how he is feeling.  ‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in Surgery,’ he answered.  ‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’

___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.

___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was
massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of  lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder  rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well,
she’s there.’

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *