Happy Birthday, Betty!

Betty's 90th Birthday

Betty’s 90th Birthday

A new old friend, Betty recently celebrated her 90th Birthday by inviting 20 people to a buffet dinner in a local hotel. There were representatives from almost every decade in the last century, literally from 9 to 90!

Betty has endured so many hip surgeries over the years that she has only one hip. As a result she is unable to walk or do much for herself. Caregivers come to her home three times a day to get her meals and help her in and out of bed.

You might think Betty is sad or depressed. You might think she would feel sorry for herself. But not Betty! She may not be able to walk but she is a walking example of how to enjoy life.

Betty has lived in her inner city home for 50 years.  Her oldest neighbour, Mary was taken to a nursing home on the day of the party. That was sad for Betty. Part of her purpose lately has been watching out for Mary, who has steadily deteriorated over the past few years. First her hearing; now her, mind. She’s been showing up at Betty’s at 10:30 at night, thinking it’s morning and scaring the Dickens out of Betty.

After five decades as neighbours, Betty and Mary are more like sisters than friends. Sadly Mary’s mental decline is ending their relationship. When Betty and Mary are both gone, their old homes will be dozed to make way for duplexes or mansions. Their decades of memories will be wiped out.

Betty’s kitchen is like Grand Central Station. I pop in to water her flowers or bring Divot, our 14-yr-old Golden Retriever, whom Betty loves, for a visit. Invariably I meet a different person every time, having tea with Betty!

Betty is determined to stay in her home until she dies. I hope she makes it. No matter how well meaning the “homes” are, they’re not the same as Home. The parade of visitors will slow to a trickle and eventually dry up. The staff is so harried and thinly spread, they have little time to interact on a human level. And the food is dreadful, almost completely void of nutrition and therefore, taste. No wonder people are dying to get out of there!

At her party the guests inquire with each other about our connection to Betty. One woman said her parents lived two doors down the street. For years Betty drove them to the grocery store. “Knowing my parents,” she laughed, “they didn’t buy one drop of Betty’s gas, so this is payback for me!” In her tone, shone love for Betty and the honour she has in paying back Betty’s kindnesses.

I know why Betty came into my life a few years ago: since my grandma’s been gone, I need old ladies in my life. They help connect me to “the good old days”, when I was eight and Grandma was my best friend. Much of what I learned from Grandma, I see again in Betty. They’re both tenacious old birds with a love for their people. I continue learning from Betty:

Have friends of all ages. And celebrate with them. Friendships take effort. It isn’t called “cultivating” friendships for nothing! I doubt Betty was thinking about being 90 when she was driving her old neighbours to the grocery store. Pay it forward is not just a cute slogan. It really works. One day when I’m old I hope to have younger friends who are willing to lend me a hand or an ear from time to time. I’m counting on good deeds being like stocks, paying me dividends in the future.

Happy Birthday, and thank you, Betty, for your friendship, for your never-give-in spirit and for reminding me that longevity depends on friends.

Impromptu Writing Exercise

changecompanieA couple weeks ago I entered a writing challenge issued by Don Kuhl, author of one of my favourite weekly emails from www.changecompanies.net. The challenge was to write about a time when you got “back on the horse” after a business failure in 250 words or less.

Today I got word that I didn’t win, but that my story was among Don’s favourites. Thought I would share my story and the feedback with you.

Here is my submission:

When I was a child my dad bought some wild horses. One mustang spent my entire tenth birthday unceremoniously unseating me, repeatedly. I stubbornly remounted, repeatedly. Good preparation for business life!

In 2004 my partner and I bought five houses by any means we could muster, on a hunch the market was rising. We furnished them, rented weekly to businessmen, collected premium rental rates and watched our investments appreciate monthly!

By 2007, we had $2.5 million in assets, only $900,000 of debt.

Time to sell!

We debated it ad nauseum. But we were making good money!

adnauseam

We didn’t sell.

Housing crisis arrived. Prices dropped. Rents dropped. Demand dropped.

We hung on too long and were eventually cornered into selling in low markets. We narrowly escaped bankruptcy by selling the last house last spring. We now rent that house from its owner.

What did we learn?

Greed kills.

Timing is everything.

Know when to let go.

There’s no shame in failing.

It’s the journey, not the destination.

Find a need. Find way to meet that need. Work at it.

I have been pursuing a career as a writer and professional speaker. I recently stumbled upon another need.

I now provide coaching and classes to people with English as a Second Language so they can improve their pronunciation, be more productive and boost the bottom line.

I reinvented myself, developing a new career in my ‘50’s!

The ride has been exhilarating; I’m not ready to be put to pasture.

248 words.

Hi Shelley,

My name is Scott Provence and I work with Don in preparing his Mindful Midweek each Wednesday. Don was kind enough to share in confidence with me a small selection of favorite stories from his recent MM writing exercise, and your piece was one in this group.

Although it was not selected for one of the three prizes, I wanted to send you a personal message thanking you for sharing this story. It’s spirit spoke to both of us, and we want to recognize the courage it took, both to “get back on the horse” and also to share this experience.

Thank you for your support of Mindful Midweek, and for embodying the courage and creative writing Don and I aspire to.

Take care,

Scott Provence

Vice President of Product Development

The Change Companies ®

http://www.changecompanies.net

 

Great Full

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Photo owned by www.shelleygoldbeck.com

Our Thanksgiving after dinner activities included an exercise in gratitude where we wrote why we are grateful for the members of our family on small pictures our granddaughters had painted.

My youngest granddaughter, J_____  generally sees the world from a different perspective than most of us. Perhaps it’s her red hair. Or maybe it’s her free spirit.

She wrote: I am great full for Grandma because…

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Photo owned by www.shelleygoldbeck.com

Great full.

That gave me pause.

Because if you think about it, being grateful actually does make us “great full”.

We feel good inside. Others feel good. The step from good to great is not a huge leap.

Giving thanks is that: an act of giving.  Giving is good. In fact science has proven repeatedly that any act of kindness performed improves the health of the giver, the receiver, and incredibly, even the health of those who witness the act of kindness.

By being grateful to others we build bridges, give hope and encouragement, and sow the seeds of more good deeds coming our way. People are less apt to help next time if they don’t receive thanks.

Sadly, “thanks” is not common in the modern lexicon. Strangely, some people believe “thanks” takes away their power, positions them lower than others.

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Photo owned by www.shelleygoldbeck.com

If only they understood that by giving thanks they GET power.

I truly think that’s what J_____ meant by great full.

Today, I am great full to J_____ for opening my mind to the great state of great-fullness.